Deep in the Dankwood Forest, there is trouble a foot. It seems a crime is taking place. TEENS ARE GETTING HIGH! The forest is no place for nogoodniks, it is a place of serenity and humble self-reflection. Luckily, there is a hero who resides in these woods: Forest Ranger Dan.

He carries the Baton of Righteousness in one hand and the Big Book O' Rules in the other. He knows the law and he's laying it down!

He walks right up to those punks and says "Excuse me, but you can't do that here. Do you mind taking this business else where?"

The teens look at him. The look back at each other. They begin to laugh. "You're not even a real cop, dickhead. Fuck off."

But Ranger Dan does not fuck off. He tries to follow procedure but sometimes, to be good, you gotta do bad.


- Excerpt from The Adventure of Ranger Dan, The Coolest Forest Ranger Around by Forest Ranger Dan (Who was recently let go from his Forest Ranger job)